Orange you glad I didn't say sheet cake?

I went to the doctor on Friday for my 30 week update. Instead of seeing Dr. Pendyala, per usual, I went to Dr. Garratano. The office policy is that during a pregnancy, you have to see more than one doctor. I figured, since the 30 week appointment is typically a non-event, I would use this one to check the box and see someone else in the practice.

I'll admit, I'm a pretty easy patient. I don't ask many questions, I don't have many concerns. Despite my ease, Dr. Garratano did NOT make a good first impression. My appointment was slated for 10:20. It was Brice's birthday, so I figured I'd be in and out and we could continue our day of lunching, playing and celebrating. I arrived at 10:10 to check in. By 10:30, the nurse brought me back to do the routine. Pee in a cup, check my weight (up 6lbs in four weeks?!?) and check my blood pressure (low and steady, as usual). The nurse told me the doctor would be right in to see me. And then I waited... and waited... and waited. I read People magazine, and American Baby and Good Housekeeping. I checked my blackberry. I reorganized my purse. At 11am, the nurse returned to tell me that the doctor would be with me. Didn't she do that thirty minutes ago? I read Vogue from June. I sent emails.

Finally at 11:20, Dr. Garratano arrived. An hour late. She quickly flipped through my file. She listened to H2's heartbeat. "Active baby!" She said. Thanks genius. I couldn't tell that she was active from the eleventy billion bladder punches I sustain on a daily basis.

"I think she's feet down," she said with a look of displeasure.
"I'm having another c-section. It doesn't really matter," I said.
"She can always turn," Dr. Garratano responded.
"Yeah, I figured that considering I still have 9 weeks to go." Was this woman for real?

She asked if I had taken my glucose test. "Yes, last month. I passed. I failed the one hour with Brice so I'm happy!" She responded, "You're up 6lbs in 4 weeks and this time you don't have a glucose intolerance to blame. Time to get the weight under control. What's your weakness?" I thought about it. My weakness? Shoes? Mani/pedis? Looking at real estate I can't afford? I responded, "Oranges. I've been eating about five a day. My son loves them so we share." I was proud. She gave a quick tsk-tsk under her breath like I was a five-year-old getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar. "If you don't want to gain 50lbs like you did the first time around, I recommend putting down the fruit and picking up a cheeseburger."

Seriously? Here I was thinking I was being good. Aside from my morning bagel, I pretty much stayed off the carbs. I hadn't even baked a single sheet cake this time around! I ate low fat frozen yogurt for crying out loud. You are an hour late to see me and now you're going to take away the one yummy item that I've been enjoying and replace it with cheeseburgers? For a brief minute I envisioned myself rolling up the outdated Vogue and whacking the doc across the head.

I regained my self control and nodded. "I'll lay off the fruit," I said. "We'll see you in two weeks," she responded as she ushered me out of the room. The entire meeting had lasted approximately five minutes. I walked out to the receptionist and told her that I needed an appointment in two weeks. "With Dr. Garratano?" she asked. "Dr. Pendyala," I responded with a smile.

I finally made it home as Joel, Brice and his sister were returning from a trip to Costco. They were unpacking the car and as I came around to help, Joel handed me a crate of clementines. "Your favorite!" He was so proud of himself for picking up oranges for me. "Got any cheeseburgers in there?" I asked. Sigh. I just can't win.