Today marks the first day of our third trimester. I cannot explain in words how ecstatic I am. Partially because I know that we're almost in the clear... if something should happen and baby boy should come early, chances are he'll be just fine.
The other part of me can't lie and thinks that in 12ish short weeks, this science experiment will be over with. Yes, our lives will be changed forever with the birth of this kiddo as we begin the cycle of feedings, changings, nighttime checks, hysteria, dating, football, college graduation and the infinite beyond. The one thing I will have is my body back (and trust me, I plan on waving hello to all those places that I can no longer see). For those of you who have never been pregnant or are early on in your first pregnancies, let me give you a little taste of what's going on these days.
The nausea has subsided and I am thankful for that. Now begins the random pain portion of the pregnancy. Starting at approximately 9pm nightly, all of the food consumed over the course of the day somehow migrates its way back up into my chest. I wouldn't call it heartburn. I'd call it, if someone poked me with a stick, I'd probably explode. Honestly, it feels as if I can't catch my breath and there is simply no more room for my skin to stretch. I complain and usually Joel asks me if I want some Pepto or some water and while I realize that he is trying desperately to be helpful, I want to tear his face off with my bear hands. I love my husband, but the other day I seriously thought about duct-taping the dogs to his chest so he could feel for a moment what I'm going through. I think he gets it but is afraid of admitting it so he just sits quietly on the couch hoping that I'll just go away or shut up.
At about 10pm I migrate up to bed. I'll get up every hour on the hour to pee from this point until about 6:30am even though I've only had like one glass of water all day. I have no idea where all the liquid comes from since I also have about 35 hotflashes during the day and pretty much sweat perpetually. Yum.
When I'm actually sitting still in bed, I have pain in my lower back and legs, probably due to the 30 lbs of baby weight crushing my vital organs. I've learned that the best method for dealing with this pain is to roll onto my side (imagine those videos of marine biologists attempting to free a beached whale), prop a pillow under my belly to hold it up, and finally position the dogs behind me so that I can lean on them. Its my own Westie body-pillow. The dogs love it. I swear.
Here's what I've realized. Instead of teaching about the birds and the bees, schools should bus in 30 women in their 3rd trimester and let them talk (complain) to kids truthfully about how NOT FUN it is. Topics of discussion could include hemorrhoids, snissing (the sneeze/pee conundrum) and what to do when you can no longer see you private region (fog-resistant mirrors are the way to go for any lady-scaping activities).
In all seriousness, I know that the second this baby is on the outside, I will forget all about the aches and pains associated with the last almost year of my life and just love baby boy Harvill with all of my heart. But for right now, can anyone tell me what color shoes I'm wearing?
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